As a teacher in public education, we’re to say “There’s no such think as a stupid question.”
In the wider world, and on the street… I have to sway .. there’s a lot of them. I’m passionate about questions that draw story, create meaning and connection.
Jeremy Rifkin. in his latest book, The Empathic Civilization wrote:
” We live in a world in which getting and holding one another’s attention becomes paramount, and relationship of all kinds become central to our existence.. A new dictum has developed: ” I am connected therefore I exist.”
Our non profit/ charity , ” ConversationWorks “ was created partly to create tools and an environment - a shift in our culture where people and ideas come together through the power of personal story.
Has anyone’s life work or project changed because of a question?
The quality of our life, our experience is often based on the quality of questions we ask.
Today I will share a few experiences..and epiphanies around the power of curiosity and personal story that I’ve had in my careers of working in education, communication, video story catching.
We’ll look at some everyday environments.. and how they can become eye-opening opportunities for social engagement and business development.
The classroom
The first one was sitting in English 12 and realizing that great teachers use interesting stories and at that point I didn’t have any.
Parallel Play
As a young dad I took our son to the park and thought we’d hang out, to let two toddlers play together. There was no interaction… Just parallel play.
I often see this in elevators, buses, cocktail parties , bus line-ups. People often feel they have to subscribe to networking services and meet-ups when they miss opportunities all around them.
Personal reflection
In some personal counseling I was asked a question that’s repeatedly changed my life., ” What is your bliss?” Answer that question with care.
One time, with 3 children, a great job in Vancouver , I answered , “Solitude.” Within a few months we had leased out our Vancouver home and bought a 5 acre farm 10 km north of Courtenay.
Elevators — and other contexts with a code of silence.. like car pools to football or soccer games.
Trust me… we can turn these into rich , energizing, and profitable exchange.
Questions and stories change lives.
–Golden Stories
People ask me , “How do you draw out the golden stories?”
It starts with a good question, but the magic ingredients are ‘listening’ and ‘ having a nice face.’
——-Some caveats and tips:
For the one asking a question: The focus is on one person.. the only one sharing the stories
For those who respond: Keep your responses short…
Favourite powerful questions
– Look at the context, see what you’re curious about, and then ask as many people as you can.
What’s a moment that stood out?
I was once working on a project about last rites of passage, so my question was, ” What is one of the most memborable funerals or life celebration you’ve seen ?”
What’s the holdup to more authentic conversation?
So if there are such basic questions are there for the asking, why isn’t there more conversation, more engagement in our communities, buildings, buses, dinner tables, etc?
There needs to a shift of heart.. to actually being interested in what the other person is saying, to the expectation that ‘there’s a story worth listening to, and sharing.’ It’s amazing what comes in short order , often with strangers, with these conditions in place.
Making the most of the question
But it’s more than just coming up with a good question… It’s a shift of heart that sees and expects gold in the other person, and body language that supports and encourages the sharing. Having your story drawn out, and listened to intently is therapeutic, and deeply moving.
And once you’ve got your question….. try it out.. wherever you find yourself.
( avoid the challenge that many of us face with having to remember a lot of passwords)
Another life changing moment.
I attended a discussion group on gratitude at our church one night, and on my way home wondered how I could integrate this in my life. Right then the phrase, “What’s Gone Well Today?” came to mind.
I’ve tried it in bank line ups, in emails, in walk by conversations. I’m often surprised at the results. The richness of story , the passion, the laughter and eloquence is stunning.
WGWT’s demands… and rewards:
How people respond…. and why.
The physical response.
The pause, and sudden realization….
Business model
At lunch with my brilliant friend and marketing consultant, Gregg Mieklejohn we talked about how WGWT could actually grow, and get traction as a business model, we came up with the idea of WGWT as a means to develop empathetic organizations.
My team on this project include Robin June Hood and Colleen Stevenson. We’ve developed 18 metaphors of empathetic engagement.
One of my advisors told me the story of a golfer intent on improving his game. .. Despite the private lessons, when he returned to the links, his game showed no improvement. Then one day he decided to write down a list of tips he got from the pro, and review them as he approached the first tee… Having that list made all the difference.
With WGWT… we give some a list of some of the most powerful questions to engage, connect, reflect .
Some metaphors we’re working with.
Turning on the tap -When have you experienced ‘flow’ or intense creativity?
Breaking Out – What was a turnaround in your day/ project/ work/ career?
Discovering intimacy — What’s a recent adventure?
Taking Risks – What keeps you on the edge, willing to take another risk?
Making choices - How do you deal with surprises?
Where can you go from here?
Join our movement… try WGWT and see where it goes personally and in our work
Post your responses on our site…. add to the culture that realizing WGWT brings, the shift of thinking.