No matter where you find yourself, or the reason you’re there, asking some good questions can make it even better. We created our non profit, ConversationWorks to support great questions, good stories and new ways to share them.
There are many forces of change in our lives. The one I’m really passionate about is the power of curiosity and personal story. Einstein said curiosity was important than intelligence. The ideas I’m sharing today, can be used in whatever context you find yourself in. One participant decided to use in her football-mom car pool and wrote me at 11 pm of how it changed her experience, from sullen silence to inspired , reflective conversation. Some strangers were trying to break in to my car to get my keys.. when a 20 something drove up in a mercedes sports car…. My one question had her driving me home to get another set of keys.. and having a great conversation all the while.
“90% of everything we know has been passed along through story.’ Laurens van der Post
Lives are being transformed by powerful questions. My work with conversation and story is all based on the belief that everyone has a story worth knowing and sharing. Today you’ll learn how to craft the questions that bring out the ‘golden stories.’
You can view a remarkable collection of the stories we’ve collected from conversations, workshops, events and conferences. We get great responses when people hear their stories:
“you captured my soul”…. to tears and celebration ” I am doing a great work”
Background
My work around this comes from decades in and out of the classroom… all underscored by the theme that we can’t do this work ourselves. I discovered a few things in my teaching.. That Story was key to teaching and learning , that I could draw that story out from others…and teach others how to do that. Course work ranged from Algebra 12 to Kindergarten Music, from Entrepreneurship to Introductory Japanese.
When you don’t exactly know what to do, change your question. On my last day of teaching Introductory Japanese the class interviewed the principal who was a Japanese Canadian.. about his parents internment in the 1940′s
Epiphanies are always important and can be great teachers… and life changers:
With our first toddler… parallel play at the park…
putting two toddlers or adults side by side doesn’t necessarily result in conversation. ( or at a cocktail party or conference coffee break)
Questions that have changed lives.. mine and others..
(Caution…. answer with care…)
The first two changed my life at separate times …
What is your bliss?
What would you love to do?
After l left teaching… to be in the wider world full time.. we moved.. partly because the answer to that first question, changed:
from solitude, to connection and laughter.
When I answered with Solitude, we ended up 10 km north of Courtenay on a 5 acre farm.
Changing it to connection and laugher… now see us 1/4 block west of UVic.
A new classroom/ environment/ container created by my friend, Roger Colwill
Green Drinks is a wonderful container/ context. On one level it’s a mixer of like-minded, like-hearted folks with varying commitments to building sustainable ventures and communities. GD changes lives and enhances experience because of a couple of simple steps:
( these are powerful, because someone is listening.. and we expect that something is going to happen)
For me good questions are social- and entrepreneurial accelerators.
As in all aspects of life, no one is forced to use these powerful aids — some would rather do things the their own way…. while others appreciate the opportunity to make the most out who is in the room, and the opportunities that lie within a conversation.
Here are some we’ve used at Green Drinks that have changed lives.
What is your theme?
-what is important to you that you want others to explore with you.
- make it easy for others to engage around what you’re passionate about
Here are some themes that I’ve seen at Green Drinks, or in some of our Personal Story workshops:
‘ embracing change’, ‘ making new friends’, ‘ breaking out’ , ‘ supporting growth’, new to town, need hugs
When a new person comes to Green Drinks I ask them a couple of questions.
Who do you want to meet?
What do you want to do?
Making the most of the question
But it’s more than just coming up with a good question… It’s a shift of heart that sees and expects gold in the other person, and body language that supports and encourages the sharing. Having your story drawn out, and listened to intently is therapeutic, and deeply moving.
And once you’ve got your question….. try it out.. wherever you find yourself.
People have shared wonderful stories and insights with me, a total stranger. They’ve inspired , supported and entertained me. They’ve helped me help others.
“..the greatest benefit that comes to those who listen is that we develop closer relationships with those we thought we couldn’t understand. Curiosity and good listening bring us back together.”
Margaret Wheatley
How do you come up with the questions that draw out the ‘golden stories’?
Some caveats and tips:
For the one asking: The focus is on one person.. the only one sharing the stories
For those who respond: Keep your responses short…
So engage in the process… , and then don’t forget to
Reflect…
What surprised you?
What did you discover?
What’s next
What do you wonder?
What was a question that brought out the ‘golden stories?’
How can we improve in asking questions?
Practice, really listening, having fun, taking risks
———-
Let me introduce a new question I came up with, in fact a meme to shift thinking . one that is powerful even if you’re on your own.
WGWT – a new tool set for engagement, discovery, risk and intimacy.
It’s origin and applications.
Power and portability.
It’s an opening, but what else can it do?
The story of Dave and Al…
The larger picture:
Developing tools to help create empathetic cultures in organizations.
Some metaphors we’re working with.
Turning on the tap -When have you experienced ‘flow’ or intense creativity?
Breaking Out – What was a turnaround in your day/ project/ work/ career?
Discovering intimacy — What’s a recent adventure?
Taking Risks – What keeps you on the edge, willing to take another risk?
Making choices - How do you deal with surprises?
